Thoughts on Repentance . . .

I recently started reading The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis for a book club in which I participate, and I have to say, my mind is blown. I have always loved C.S. Lewis for his deep, thought-provoking insight on Christianity - ever since I first read about the Lion/deity figure who sacrifices himself on an "altar" to redeem the sin of another. It left me in awe over the brilliant, beautiful parallels between Aslan's sacrifice, and that of the Savior, and Lewis continues to inspire and amaze me in this book:

"I do not think that all who choose wrong roads perish; but their rescue consists of being put back on the right road. A sum can be put right: but only by going back till you find the error and working it afresh from that point, never by simply going on. Evil can be undone, but it can not 'develop' into good. Time does not heal it. The spell must be unwound, bit by bit, 'with backward mutters of dissevering power'--or else not. It is still 'either-or'. If we insist on keeping Hell (or even Earth) we shall not see Heaven: if we accept Heaven we shall not be able to retain even the smallest and most intimate souvenirs of Hell. I believe, to be sure, that any man who reaches Heaven will find what he abandoned (even in plucking out his right eye) has not been lost . . . "

What a beautiful illustration of the importance and simplicity of repentance. It's all about "The Mighty Change of Heart (an excellent talk by President Ezra Taft Benson, by the way)". There is so much to ponder on in those few, short sentences, and that's just a snippet I took from the beginning of the preface. Haha. 

Seriously, though - for someone who was not a member of The Church, I feel like C.S. Lewis really had a solid testimony of our Heavenly Father's Plan of Happiness, and truly understood the purpose of our time here on the Earth. After reading something so simple, yet so acute, I can't help but feel affected by his depth and creativity. 

His writing has inspired me to reflect lately about the kind of writer I aspire to be. I want to write things that move people; things that provoke deep, stimulating contemplation. But how do you get past the fluff in your writing and write about stuff that matters? That is the question, my friends. That is the question . . . 

Focusing on Gratitude to Get Through the Day

So, these last few weeks, I have been feeling pretty lame due to illness and some other stress factors that I have been facing - And as I usually tend to do when life gets chaotic, I have been neglecting the blog as a result. 

I have been a bit too scatter-brained lately to produce anything halfway worth reading. I think about my blog every few days - heck, I even think I might have something worth talking about, but then the dust starts to settle, life and stress start to surface, and my brain is toast again. I start to think that maybe I will feel much better after this week is over when we'll (hopefully) have some more answers where my health is concerned. I even think I will try to sit down and focus on positivity more, and who knows - maybe a miracle will happen, and something somewhat legit or even halfway interesting will emerge. 

In the meantime, however, I am trying to recall the wise advice I received recently, which inspired my last blog post: Every single day you make a choice. I know that I am so blessed to have such an amazing support system, and I thank Heavenly Father daily for the strength I am able to receive through the Atonement and through the joy my family brings to me. I was reminded of these blessings again today during my personal scripture study, wherein I read about the pre-existence and how we were foreordained to do certain things. I have a firm testimony of this principle, and I know that I was foreordained to be a mother. I receive a tremendous amount of comfort knowing that I am taking on such an important role in our Heavenly Father's Plan of Happiness by striving to be a faithful wife and mother, and raising my children unto the Lord.

So to get through today, I choose to focus on these blessings, and will lean on the comfort of the Savior to bring me out of this funk. In an attempt to do so, I decided to write a list of the things I love about each of my children. Obviously, this list could go on for miles, so for all intents and purposes, I will focus on a few, simple things I love about each of them - some of the things that make them uniquely special in my heart.

So without further ado:

1. MNM (my 13-year-old daughter) - I love how:
a. she still likes to lie with her head in my lap and cuddle every once in a while, as if she were still a small child;
b. she loves to read and always has a book in her hand; and 
c. she likes to show her gratitude in simple, thoughtful ways, like a homemade card or a song that she sings and dedicates to me. She has such a big heart, and I am so lucky to be her mom.

2. L-Bear (my 3-year-old son) - I love how:
a. he is constantly telling me that he loves me and cares about me "so much";
b. he climbs into bed with me each night and tells me all the things he is sorry for doing that day - bless his little heart; and
c. he wants to go with me everywhere I go, and always wants to be a helper in the kitchen. He is my right-hand little guy, has such a thoughtful, loving spirit, and I am so lucky to be his mom; and 

3. Baby Boo (my 21-month-old daughter) - I love how:
a. she wraps my arm around herself every night to fall asleep;
b. her eyes light up and she gets so excited every time she hears the song, "Do You Want to Build a Snowman?" from "Frozen." She even clicks her tongue at the appropriate time, and has started repeating a word or two of the song, which is absolutely adorable; and
c. every time L-Bear hits her or does something to her out of impatience, I tell him to say he's sorry - yet without missing a beat, SHE will go over to him and wrap her arms around him - almost as if to say, "It's okay, brother. I love you." She truly has such a sweet spirit. Her smile lights up my heart, and I am so lucky to be her mom. 

It's amazing how having an attitude of gratitude can instantly change your mood. I am thankful for each of my children. They are the shining beacon in my life that reminds me of how truly blessed I am. They are my saving grace, and it is they who are constantly teaching me how to be the best version of myself, how to be a better daughter of our Heavenly Father, and how to truly love. I am so thankful for the blessing of their presence in my life, and I am thankful that Heavenly Father entrusted me to be their mom. :) 

Every Single Day You Make a Choice

These past few weeks have been a bit of a challenge with the babies being so sick. It all started over the Martin Luther King Day holiday weekend when L came down with a cough - out of nowhere. We still went to church that Sunday, but by Monday night, his cough had gotten progressively worse and he was up half the night coughing so badly that he almost threw up several times in bed.

I kept him home that Tuesday as a precaution, and was glad that I did, as he ended up throwing up all over the floor, leaving a trail from the couch to the bathroom door at about 10:00 a.m. that morning. Had I sent him to school, I'd have had to walk to go pick him up since we still don't have a second vehicle. As I stood with him in the bathroom afterward, trying to clean him up well enough to stick him in the bathtub, B comes traipsing into the restroom and slipped on his vomit. I spent a good portion of the rest of that morning cleaning up children and puke, then rubbed them both down with essential oils before laying them down for a nap.

L ended up missing school Wednesday and Thursday of that week as well, but was feeling much better by Friday (although, he doesn't have preschool on Fridays). Only by then, B had come down with the same virus, full blown. Thursday night and Friday night were pretty horrible for her, the poor thing. She had such a difficult time coughing and choking on mucous that she threw up several times both nights. Friday night, we went through every last towel, sheet, and blanket that we had in the house before the coughing subsided enough for her to finally get a few hours of sleep. I had to do 5 loads of laundry (linens and clothes) the following day, just to get through the pile of laundry that had been soiled from the whole fiasco. By that time, she had also started to battle a fever off and on, and continued to do so throughout the course of the next few days.

Saturday night, she didn't throw up at all, but she started this extremely bizarre behavior, where she would wake up in the middle of the night screaming her little head off. She would also start scratching at her face in a fit of rage and would hit herself in the head, sometimes grabbing onto her hair and pulling, as if trying to yank it out. It was almost like she was possessed or something, like she was out of her mind. I don't know if she was just in a severe amount of pain, or what, but we tried applying and diffusing essential oils, offering her a drink of water or something to eat, but nothing seemed to get through to her. She just kept going back and forth from Zach to me, then back to Zach, and by the time she finally started to calm down, the three of us (Zach, the baby, and I) were out on the living room couch practically sleeping in a sitting position. We were so exhausted.

Sunday night, the fiasco started again, only this time it lasted a total of almost three hours. Poor Zach had to get up at 4am for work in the morning too. I dare say that neither of us could have possibly gotten more than three hours of sleep that night, so the next day was pretty challenging for both of us. I was sure glad when B finally slept through the night (for the first time in almost a week) on Monday night.

Since Tuesday, both kids have been on the mend, but life has still been pretty stressful, as it usually is when kids aren't feeling 100%, and can tend to be clingy and whiny - not to mention all the naughty little annoying things they have been doing all week to drive me bonkers. Zach has been gone a LOT with work and lessons, too, and I've been stuck home without a car for the majority of the day (each day) with not much of an opportunity for any kind of break from it all. I think that especially has been pulling on my sanity strings a little.

Anyway, through the chaos of the last few weeks, I started to feel a bit down. I think the Lord has really recognized my need for a little extra TLC, though, for I have felt His love in abundance - particularly over these last few days.

It all started one morning with a simple, little meme that a friend posted on Facebook. I had had a particularly stressful time fighting L tooth and nail all morning just to get dressed, and after he was finally on the bus and on his way to school, I was left feeling on edge and emotionally beaten. I happened to log on to Facebook shortly after returning to the house, and the meme was one of the first things I saw. It was an animation of a scene from the inside of a tour bus. On one side, there sat a man who stared out his window at the dull, rocky side of a mountain, a sad frown painted on his face. On the other side, there sat a man peering out of his window at a beautiful scene of sunshine and rolling hills, a smile illuminating his expression. At the top of the picture were the words:

Every single day you make a choice.

Seeing this image immediately put me in check. I was reminded that I am in control of my feelings, and that I have the power to either see the positive things in life, or dwell on the negative, overwhelming things, ultimately leading to feelings of sadness and frustration.

That same day, I felt the prompting to recommit myself to daily, personal scripture study - to invite the spirit into my life, and to give myself a constant reminder of our Heavenly Father's love for me. It's only been a few days, and I cannot tell you the incredibly positive impact it has already had on my emotions AND my thinking. I think when we focus on the blessings in life, the many marvellous things we have to be thankful for, it's easy to see the beauty in simple things that challenge us, things that might otherwise be devastating to our happiness, should we choose to only see the frustration in our situation.

Yes, I have a lot on my plate on any given day, as many stay-at-home mothers do - shoot, as parents in general do - but I am so grateful that I have that opportunity to begin with, that I have such beautiful, healthy, amazingly magnificent children, and that I get to be the one they run to when they are sick, scared, tired, sad, etc.

I know that they are only small for a very short while, and that before long, they will prefer to hang out with their friends or to be left alone in their room to read or listen to music (as I am already getting a taste of this with my oldest, M), and I won't be such a desired commodity in their everyday life. I know that then, I will have much more time to do that personal reading I long for now, to go grocery shopping on my own, or to just stinkin' use the restroom in peace - but it will be then that I long for the days that  they were small and just wanted me hold them in my arms. It will be then that I will look back on this time, wondering how it all passed by so quickly.

I am thankful for the love that my Heavenly Father has shown me through my trials these last few weeks, for the blessings in my life, and for the constant reminders that as one of His beloved children, I am loved and I matter. I am also grateful for a friend who acted on the prompting to post a simple meme on Facebook - one that reminds us that, "Every single day you make a choice," because from here on out, I am choosing to focus on gratitude and love. :)

A Testimony of Life and Marriage

Gems of Reflection, #48

First off, I want to apologize for all the Gems posts lately. I have been trying desperately to get caught up on November's posts so that I would be able to write the first of December's posts today, since it is the first Monday of the month - and woo hoo! I did it. Hallelujah. Hehe.

It's a miracle, I know, but hopefully I will be able to stay on task through all the hustle and bustle of the holiday season so that these final few Gems posts will appear every Monday, as regularly scheduled, until the end of the year.

Man, I can hardly believe that we only have 4 short weeks left (after today) until we reach the end of our Gems of Reflection challenge. Even moreso, I can't believe that such little time remains until the commencement of 2014. The older I get, the faster time seems to fly on by.

Anyway, onto the topic at hand. I have a firm testimony in the Plan of Salvation, and I know that we lived with our Heavenly Father before we came to this Earth, that we chose His plan, and that we are here to prove faithful to Him in all that we do, to follow the example of the Savior and to endure to the end so that we can return to Him when the time comes.

I know that our loving Heavenly Father does not expect us to be perfect, but because of the sacrifice of the Savior, we are able to be redeemed through Him and become perfected as we strive to live the commandments and emulate the example of our elder brother, Jesus Christ.

I am so grateful for the gospel in my life, and for the knowledge I possess that gives me purpose in this life. I am grateful for my family, for the gift of motherhood, and for the many beautiful and wonderful experiences, which that blessing affords. I know that Heavenly Father wants us to experience joy in this life, and that He has promised us so many blessings if we only remain faithful and righteous - and though I don't dare to claim perfection, I do strive to let the light of Christ shine through me, that I might teach my children the importance of the gospel in their life, that they may come to gain a testimony of their own, and to know in their hearts that Heavenly Father loves them and has a plan for them too.

I love my family, and I am so grateful for the blessings of marriage. I have a firm testimony in The Family: A Proclamation to the World, and I know that those words were received through revelation from our Heavenly Father. I know that marriage between a man and woman is ordained of God, and that through the power of the priesthood, families can be together forever - bound together eternally through the Abrahamic Covenant.

I love being married to a man who honors his priesthood and strives to better himself because of his love for the gospel and his family. Marriage is not always easy, but it brings me such happiness - striving as a union toward raising a family in righteousness, and fumbling through this scary thing called parenthood - together. Our relationship is not perfect, and we definitely don't always see eye-to-eye, but I can't imagine my life without my eternal companion, and I thank Heavenly Father for the gift of marriage daily. I have become a better person through the trials we have overcome together, and I know that as we strive to be righteous parents for our children, going before the Lord in prayerful supplication, He will guide us and will bless us with the strength and wisdom to be the parents that each of our children needs and deserves.

Please feel free to share your own testimony of life and marriage in the comments below, or post a link where we might visit your blog to share in your thoughts on this topic.

Feeling sorrow for those left behind...

Gems of Reflection, #46

To reflect upon how I feel about death is a tricky thing. I am not necessarily afraid of dying, for I have a firm testimony in The Plan of Salvation, and I know that when we leave this life, we will pass into the spirit world to await Judgment Day, and to await being reunited with our Heavenly Father again. I think the only thing I fear regarding death is how it will happen - and when. I don't want to pass from this life while my children are still young because I don't want to miss them growing up, and I want them to be able to remember me and to know what a blessing they are in my life.

One of my husband's cousins recently passed away unexpectedly, and she was about the same age as I am now. I didn't know her well, but I was absolutely heart-broken to know that in her untimely death, she had left behind a husband and four young children, all under the age of 12. I couldn't help but feel complete sorrow for her family that she was leaving behind - for her poor children who will miss their mother terribly - even though I know that she is being taken care of as she passes on from this world into the next. I also feel such incredible sorrow for her parents. I think losing a child at any age would be absolutely devastating. It's something that no parent should ever have to endure.

Still, throughout this experience, I couldn't help but feel gratitude for my own family, and for the ability that I still have to spend this time with them. I think it's experiences like these that make me so grateful to know that we have a loving Heavenly Father who has a plan for us, to know that we are here on this earth for a time - to have a family, and to experience the trials of this life - but also to know that when we leave this world, we will be able to reunite with our loved ones, and will also be able to return to our Heavenly Father again.

I am grateful for the gospel in my life and for the knowledge I possess that families can be together forever. It is this knowledge that takes some of the fear of death out of the equation for me. I am not saying that it makes things easy, but when we lose our loved ones to death, we can be comforted by the knowledge that the separation is temporary, and that we will be together with them again.

"It was then that I carried you"

52 Gems of Reflection: #43

I think the most trying experience in my life was when my parents went through their divorce. I don't want to rehash the horrible details, because it was so long ago, and I would like to think that (for the most part) many of the damaged relationships have been mended.

I will say, however, that I could not have gotten through such a trial without the love of my mother and the birth of my oldest daughter, M. I think the anticipation of her grand entrance into this world is what kept both my mom and me from losing our minds completely. She was seriously a little angel of deliverance, and we are eternally grateful for the joy she brought into our lives at a time that was otherwise overcast with the painful sting of loss and betrayal.

Also, reflecting back on that time in our lives, I am reminded of the poem, Footprints, as the line, "It was then that I carried you," echoes in my thoughts. Even though I was going through a period of inactivity when this trial commenced - and I surely didn't recognize it at the time - the evidence of the Lord's hand in my life through that entire experience flows in abundance, and I know that He had my back through it all.

In hindsight, it's easy to say that I am grateful for the trials I have faced and for the experience and testimony that were gained as a result of coming out stronger on the other side. When you are in the midst of the trial, however, and the cloud of sadness sits so low and hazy over your entire plane of existence, blackening every possible facet of your life, it's difficult to count your blessings and see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I am just grateful for my family and for the strength that was given to me to overcome this trial in my life. I truly feel that the experience blessed me eternally and shaped me into who I am as a wife and mother today, ultimately strengthening my testimony, in addition to my friendship with my mom. I don't think we were ever closer than we've grown as a result of enduring this trial together. :)

Related links:

52 Gems of Reflection

A Hope of Heaven's Light

I Can Do Hard Things

Through the Joy and the Sorrow

Is Monogamy Ridiculous?

I happened upon a video on the internet recently where a male sex columnist (who is particularly chauvinistic and cynical, in my opinion) goes on a several-minute rant about how monogamy is ridiculous. I sometimes wonder if people don't post these types of videos merely to rile viewers up and create buzz. His video response seriously reeks of a man who is either bitter because he has had his own heart broken by a woman who was - shall we say, less than monogamous - or he is just really THAT chauvinistic, and has no respect for the sanctity of marriage. 

Either way, I was so livid with his bold declarations after only a few seconds of hearing his ridiculous tirade that I felt inclined to just shut off the video and go about my day, trying to shake off the feeling of disdain that had suddenly consumed me. But then I felt an overwhelming desire to speak out and share my opinion on the situation. 

Originally, when I felt inspired to write this post, I had no intention of sharing the video. I found it to be outrageous and borderline blasphemous, and I did not want to draw any extra attention to its heinous message. But then I considered (for a whole second, maybe) posting it to this blog for the mere purpose of giving my readers a point of reference for this blog post. After going back and watching the video several times, however, I have decided NOT to post it, simply for the fact that Mr. Sex Columnist uses vulgar and offensive language - and I decided it's not worth exposing you all to that filth. Instead, I will reference excerpts from his video, and hope that that will satisfy your curiosity.

First off, Mr. Sex Columnist boldly declares that "60 years ago is when we decided that men had to be monogamous too." Really? Who is this "we" that he is so brazenly referring to? And where is he getting his facts? It is true that throughout the history of man, there are innumerable accounts of men of power having concubines and such - and for a great part of world history, it was acceptable in society for a man to be promiscuous, while women were held to a much higher standard. However, does that mean that this view is correct? Or that the expectation that men and women be equally monogamous only originated 60 years ago when "marriage became less of a property transaction, and became a union of two equals"? I mean, seriously...since when was society's definition of "acceptable" ever a reliable definition of what was right or wrong according to the laws of God?

He went on to say that "monogamy is ridiculous, and people aren't any good at it. We're not wired for it. We didn't evolve to be - it's not natural." From the time that Adam and Eve walked the earth, men and women have equally been held to the expectation that monogamy is the standard in marriage, unless the Lord declares otherwise. Anything less is in direct defiance of God's law - no matter what society deems acceptable or "natural". Jacob 2:27 (which took place about 544-421 B.C.) says:

Wherefore, my brethren, hear me, and hearken to the word of the Lord: For there shall not any man among you have save it be one wife; and concubines he shall have none;

In a talk titled "Reverence and Morality," which President Gordan B. Hinckley gave in April 1987, when he was First Counselor of the First Presidency, he stated:

"Prophets of God have repeatedly taught through the ages that practices of homosexual relations, fornication, and adultery are grievous sins. Sexual relations outside the bonds of marriage are forbidden by the Lord. We reaffirm those teachings. Mankind has been given agency to choose between right and wrong. 

Said the prophet Lehi to Jacob:“Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself” (2 Ne. 2:27). 

 I absolutely love that passage. It reminds me of the scripture found in Mosiah 3:19, which reads:

For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.

So, referencing back to the video, Mr. Sex Columnist went on to say "it puts a strain on our marriages and our long-term commitments to expect them to be effortlessly monogamous." No one is saying that monogamy is effortless. No one is saying that marriages don't have other challenges either. But to say that not expecting monogamy in marriage will cause less strain on the relationship is completely ridiculous. I am sorry, but when two people are in a long-term relationship and are committed to one another, there is no saying there won't be temptation. The sin is not in the temptation; however, it is in one's choice to give in to that temptation. And giving into that temptation is what puts strain on marriages. 

In President Hinckley's talk mentioned above, he continued by saying:

"I repeat, each of us has a choice between right and wrong. But with that choice there inevitably will follow consequences. Those who choose to violate the commandments of God put themselves at great spiritual and physical jeopardy. The Apostle Paul said, “The wages of sin is death” (Rom. 6:23). 

Jacob taught, “Remember, to be carnally-minded is death, and to be spiritually-minded is life eternal” (2 Ne. 9:39). 

Jesus gave a commandment to control our thoughts as well as our deeds. He said, “Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart” (Matt. 5:28)."  

 Finally, the sex columnist in the video says that "if you were with someone for 40 or 50 years and they only cheated on you a few times, they were GOOD at being monogamous." GOOD at being monogamous? Really? I am sorry, but "good at being monogamous" means you are, in fact, monogamous.  If you cheat on your spouse - even one time - then you are no longer in the running for "good at being monogamous." 

As someone who has witnessed numerous marriages fall apart from infidelity, ultimately ending in nothing but pain and the bitter sting of the consequences that follow (often manifesting continuously for several years), I can honestly say that to expect anything less than 100% monogamy in marriage is to be setting yourself up for failure. 

I am not saying that there is no room for forgiveness in these circumstances. I know we are all human, and people do make mistakes. And though I believe that pure monogamy is essential to a healthy, lasting relationship, I also believe in the power of the Atonement, and I know that if a person is truly sorrowful for the choices they have made, and they repent for what they have done, through the Atonement (and through extensive counseling) they may be able to work through that particular trial in their marriage. But there are no guarantees, so why take the risk?  

I have also personally witnessed many couples who have gone through this type of trial and were able to work together to come through it, salvaging their relationship through the power of the atonement and through counseling, as mentioned above. I am glad they were able to do so, but infidelity is something that definitely leaves its mark on a marriage, as it often takes years to overcome. I honestly think it is best to avoid infidelity at all cost.

This is where communication comes in. I think it is extremely important to have open communication in a marriage - or any relationship for that matter. One point that Mr. Sex Columnist touched on was that individuals' needs are often not being met in marriage, and therefore their only option is to seek outside their marriage for answers to these deficiencies. I am sorry, but this is when communication is most important in a marriage. If there is a need that is not being met (whether it be emotional or physical - as men and women often have different motives for cheating), one need turn inward to his/her marriage to discuss the issue with their partner, and to find a solution to the problem together. This approach would more likely have a positive, productive outcome, and can often result in the couple experiencing a strengthening in their relationship, bringing them even closer together.

I don't know - maybe that sounds naive, but I can honestly say that I have grown to love my husband more deeply and completely because of the trials we have overcome through communicating openly with each other, through overcoming the temptation to give in to the ways of the world, and through keeping our marriage covenants sacred. And maybe Mr. Sex Columnist would say, "Of course you would be that naive, you are a woman," but I know plenty of men (my husband included) who share my values regarding the sanctity of marriage, who also have a desire to love and respect their spouses through complete and utter fidelity. 

I believe that as children of our Heavenly father, striving to emulate the example of the Savior, we should endeavor to overcome the adversary and keep our marriage covenants sacred - and by doing so, we will be blessed to have the strength to overcome temptation, resulting in lasting, meaningful relationships for all eternity. 

In closing, I just want to express my eternal gratitude for my loving husband. He isn't perfect (nor am I), but he has integrity. He is honest and desires to be faithful, honoring his marriage covenants to me and to the Lord. I am thankful for our relationship and for the trials we have overcome together, and I look forward to an eternity with him - and only him. Now, as far as I am concerned, THAT - my friends - is "good at being monogamous!"  

April 28, 2007

Finding Joy in Charity

Gems of Reflection #36

One personality trait that I have always admired in others is charity. I try to be Christ-like and see others as He sees them (though sometimes this proves to be extremely difficult), for I know that each of us is a child of God, but one thing in which I think I lack - which I know is an extremely vital aspect of charity - is taking time to serve others. It's not that I don't love the people in my life. I serve my husband and children daily, but I often find myself realizing that I should take the time to reach out to those in my neighborhood and ward, searching for ways to serve them better.

In his April, 2011 General Conference talk, titled Finding Joy Through Loving Service, Elder M. Russell Ballard said:

"It is only when we love God and Christ with all of our hearts, souls, and minds that we are able to share this love with our neighbors through acts of kindness and service—the way that the Savior would love and serve all of us if He were among us today. 

When this pure love of Christ—or charity—envelops us, we think, feel, and act more like Heavenly Father and Jesus would think, feel, and act. Our motivation and heartfelt desire are like unto that of the Savior. He shared this desire with His Apostles on the eve of His Crucifixion. He said: 

'A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you. …

'By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.' (John 13:34-35)

The love the Savior described is an active love. It is not manifested through large and heroic deeds but rather through simple acts of kindness and service."

Simply stated, we can show our love for our Heavenly Father and for others is by serving them. While writing this post today, I was reminded of a poem that I heard long ago, which demonstrates this principle perfectly. It's called, "Which Loved Her Best?" by Anonymous:

"I love you, Mother," said little John;

Then, forgetting his work, his cap went on.

And he was off to the garden swing,

And left her the water and wood to bring.

"I love you, Mother," said little Nell;

"I love you better than tongue can tell."

Then she teased and pouted full half the day,

Till her mother rejoiced when she went to play.

"I love you, Mother," said little Fan;

"Today I’ll help you all I can;

How glad I am school doesn't keep!"

So she rocked the baby till it fell asleep.

Then, stepping softly, she took the broom,

And swept the floor and tidied the room.

Busy and happy all day was she,

Helpful and happy as child could be.

"I love you, Mother," again they said,

Three little children going to bed.

How do you think that Mother guessed

Which of them really loved her best?

So how can we develop a sense of charity in our lives? How can we become more Christ-like and learn to find joy in serving others? Elder Ballard ended his talk by saying:

"Brothers and sisters, may I re-emphasize that the most important attribute of Heavenly Father and of His Beloved Son that we should desire and seek to possess within our lives is the gift of charity, “the pure love of Christ” (Moroni 7:47). From this gift springs our capacity to love and to serve others as the Savior did. 

The prophet Mormon taught us the supreme importance of this gift and told us how we can receive it: “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure” (Moroni 7:48).  

Great things are wrought through simple and small things. Like the small flecks of gold that accumulate over time into a large treasure, our small and simple acts of kindness and service will accumulate into a life filled with love for Heavenly Father, devotion to the work of the Lord Jesus Christ, and a sense of peace and joy each time we reach out to one another."

I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows us and loves us each individually, and I am grateful for this opportunity to be reminded of the importance of charity in my life. 

Through the joy and the sorrow...

Gems of Reflection: Week 31

There are many things in this life that bring me joy. The gospel, for example - it brings me such joy to know that my Heavenly Father has a plan for me, that he loves me, and wants to bless me and bring me happiness. I am so grateful for the Atonement, and for the knowledge I possess that we can return to our Heavenly Father again through the Savior, Jesus Christ. 

My absolute greatest joy; however, is my family - and to know that I am sealed to them for time and all eternity. My life is centered around my husband and my children - they are my reason for living - and to know that we, as a family, can be together forever, is the greatest gift that I can ever imagine. To see their smiling faces, and to know they are healthy and happy - growing and thriving - makes me as happy as I can be.

Now, as all things must have their opposite - my greatest sorrow is to see the ones I love suffering; whether it be as a direct result of choices they have made, or because circumstances in their lives are causing them to experience trial and hardship, it is so painful to watch them experience these trying times. I try to be a positive influence by reminding those in my life that we are children of our Heavenly Father, that he loves us and wants us to succeed and be happy - but sometimes, they have to figure their own way out of the darkness, and I often feel helpless as I am forced to sit back and watch those I love struggle to find the will to fight through the trials of their faith. 

These experiences have a way of strengthening my own testimony; though, for I see how the Lord plays such a significant role in guiding us through our trials. I am grateful for the gospel in my own life, and for the Atonement. With the help of our Savior, we can do hard things. 

related links:

I Can Do Hard Things

A Hope of Heaven's Light

52 Gems of Reflection

Thankful for Blessings - and Homemade Bread

Today is Thankful Thursday, and I would feel extremely ungrateful if I did not thank my Heavenly Father for the many blessings I have received of late. For those of you who don't know, my husband lost his job at the beginning of June, so financially, things have been pretty stressful lately. It's funny, though, how when times are tough, the Lord always has a way of putting things into perspective, and I am truly grateful for the outpouring of love and providence that we have received from Him this past month and a half.

A few weeks ago before M went to Oklahoma for a five-week visit with her biological father, we decided to take her to Cici's pizza to enjoy one last little splurge with her before she left. We had a coupon for a free buffet, too, so we were able to feed our entire family for about $10. After engorging ourselves on yummy pizza, salads, and dessert, we packed up the kids and headed out to the car to continue on with the rest of our evening.

As we were buckling kids into seat belts, a woman walked up to the car and asked me if I had some spare change. She said that she had just lost her job and that she had no money to feed her three children, who were standing behind her (all of which looked to be about middle-school-aged). Initially, my reaction was to blow her off and apologize, saying I didn't have any cash on me. Honestly, I get so tired of being bombarded by people in parking lots for spare change. It seems like I can't even go to the grocery store anymore without someone stopping me and begging for money.

Anyway, the woman asked if I could go somewhere and buy them some food. Then, I proceeded to tell her that my husband too had just lost his job, and that we also have three children to feed. I asked her if she had tried applying for unemployment and welfare, and with tears in her eyes, she said that she had, but the applications had not been approved yet, and she wouldn't be receiving help from them for several days. We chit-chatted for a few more seconds and then said our goodbyes, but before she turned away, she said, "I hope your husband finds a job soon. God bless." I closed my door and to my everlasting shame, we drove away.

Almost immediately after pulling out of the Cici's parking lot, my conscience started eating away at me. Sure, we claimed to also be in a hardship, but we had just had the ability to feed ourselves (quite plentifully, I might add) and all three of our children. My mind kept flickering back to those kids in the parking lot, and I couldn't help but think of M and the two babies. How would I feel if I did not have the ability to feed them? What lengths would I go to in order to provide a meal for them if they were hungry? And then I thought about how fortunate we are that we have the Gospel in our lives. If we got to a point where we could not feed our children, I know that the Church would be able to provide us with immediate temporary assistance because of their inspired welfare program. But this woman didn't have that luxury.

It was then that the spirit testified to me so strongly that I needed to help her and her children. I shared my feelings with Zach and told him that we should pull into a McDonald's and at least get them a couple of McDoubles (thank you, dollar menu). I know it wasn't much, but we honestly did not have a lot of income at our disposal. We got them an extra one too, just in case. The whole way back to the Cici's parking lot, I kept kicking myself in the behind thinking, what if they were gone? What if I wouldn't be able to get that meal to them? I had so many mixed emotions and was feeling the spirit very strongly. It took every ounce of self control to keep the tears at bay.

We pulled up to the Cici's parking lot but we didn't see them, and my heart sank. We thought maybe they were walking somewhere nearby, so Z decided to drive around a bit to see if we could spot them in a nearby parking lot. Sure enough, there they were across the way in a parking lot kitty-corner from the Cici's. Z put the pedal to the medal and we raced over to them, hoping they wouldn't leave before we could get there. Finally, we got to the parking lot and pulled up next to the woman, handing her the bag of burgers out the window. She thanked us and we drove away.

My heart was so full and I felt so blessed. Not only because we were not in her position, despite our circumstances (I hope that doesn't sound awful), but also because we were able to serve her and her children, if even with something as simple as a couple of burgers. I felt like we were really doing the Lord's work, and the spirit was so strong that I almost couldn't hold the tears back any longer. I think everyone in the car felt it too. It was truly a humbling experience, and I couldn't help but thank Heavenly Father for my many blessings.

Anyway, I noticed last night that we were almost completely out of bread, so I got up this morning and started making bread for my family - you know, because nothing says, "Hot summer day in July" like sweating bullets over bread dough. Hehe. Seriously though, as I sit here typing this post, I can't help but thank my Heavenly Father for the ability that I have to provide this comfort for my family. We are truly blessed. :)

Related Link:

The Best White Bread Recipe Yet Written

My Conversion to the Gospel

Gems of Reflection : Week 28

As I am sure you are aware, I was supposed to post this Monday, but life got away with me. Oh well. ;)

So, I was born a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and was baptized when I was 8 years old, but I don't think I was fully converted to the Gospel until I was an adult. I went through a period of inactivity from the time that I was about 17 years old, and for the next few years, I lived as though there was no accountability for my actions. I thought I was happy; too, until gradually, things started to unravel. 

I reached a point in my life where I knew something was missing. I tried dating different kinds of guys, thinking maybe that my biological clock was just telling me that it was time to settle down and start a family (or at least add to the one I had already started), but nothing seemed to fill that void. Looking back, I realize that there were many influences that tried to point me back to The Church, but I was too blind by my worldly desires to accept that option as the solution to my problems.

I was even engaged to another man at one point - a man I really didn't even love. I think I had decided that I was tired of being a single mom, and had truly conceded to the idea that because of choices I had made in my past, I was unworthy of happiness. But then, one day I heard a voice in my head as clear as if someone were standing next to me whispering the words into my ear. It said, "This is not the life I had in store for you."

I think that was a major turning point for me. I started to evaluate my life and think about what it was that I was truly missing - what was really important. I soon came to realize what I knew all along - that in my life, I was the happiest when I was living the commandments of God. 

Little by little, I started trying to make little changes that would allow me to find my path back to the Gospel - until one Sunday, I found myself sitting in the congregation of a ward where I had been a member for quite some time, yet had no acquaintance because of the life I had previously chosen to live - only, I wasn't a stranger there because I knew in my heart that I was a child of God. 

I sat there in sacrament meeting that day, holding the program - which displayed a picture of Christ on the cover - and wept uncontrollably as I stared at his loving, accepting face and knew that I was loved. In that moment, I was overwhelmed by the presence of the spirit, which testified to me that THIS is where I was supposed to be. 

Some time later, I read The Miracle of Forgiveness and came to understand how The Plan of Salvation applies to ME as an individual daughter of our Heavenly Father. I was reminded that Jesus died for my own personal sins, and my testimony was strengthened tremendously each day. I started going back to church regularly, and soon came to realize that because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, I AM able to be forgiven for the mistakes I made, and I AM worthy of happiness.

I started setting my sites on making myself worthy to attend the temple, and in the process, met my husband. He was truly an answer to my prayers, and I thank Heavenly Father for him daily. He was and continues to be a testament to me that Heavenly Father does hear and answer our prayers, and that we can be blessed with the innermost desires of our hearts if we choose to be faithful and remain worthy. We were married civilly and then were sealed in the temple one year later. 

The day we went through the temple was one of the most amazing days of my life. A few days prior, I stood at the distribution center with my mom as the attendant measured me for my temple clothing. As we sat and sobbed with joy over the amazing occasion for which we were there preparing, my mom turned to the attendant with tear-filled eyes and said, "She has waited for this day for so long." Thinking that we were there planning for my wedding day (and not a sealing, which was taking place one year after our temporal marriage), the attendant said, "Oh, you are getting married. Congratulations." My mom just looked at her with a proud smile and said, "No, she is being sealed to her family." Realizing the happiness we felt that day preparing for the temple, and knowing the struggles we must have had to overcome, the attendant also burst into tears. She ended up giving both my mom and me a hug. It was such a beautiful moment. I seriously cannot think of the joy we felt that day without tearing up. I am feeling overwhelmed with emotion as I type this now.

Though my return to the Church was gradual, I do have a strong testimony that this Gospel is true, that Jesus Christ is the son of a living God, and that we too can come to be like Him. My testimony is constantly being strengthened as I attend the temple and experience answers to prayers in my own life, and I am truly grateful for second chances, for our Heavenly Father's willingness to forgive, and for His love for His children - for me. And I thank Him for the blessings I receive each day through His love and mercy.  

Called to Serve

Gems of Reflection:Week 26

I have only had two callings as an adult in the Church. After Z and I were sealed in the temple 5 years ago, we were called as a couple to teach the 16 - 17 year old's Sunday School class. We were in that calling for four years and I absolutely LOVED it. Not only did it allow me the opportunity to increase my love for and knowledge of the scriptures, but it strengthened my testimony of the faith that our youth possess as well.

Serving with the youth was such a joy to me. As you can imagine, in a four-year period we watched as many of the youth finished high school then left for college or prepared for missions, left for said missions, and then returned after serving faithfully - and being able to watch them grow and mature into sensible, faithful servants of the Lord was absolutely heart-warming.

So many of the youth in my ward have such sweet, spirits too - and such firm testimonies. They would often blow me away with how profound their comments were in class, and I truly grew to love each one of them. It was such a rewarding calling. There wasn't a week that went by that I didn't feel thoroughly edified, and I am grateful for the example that each of them was to me.

We were released from that calling just over a year ago, and I can honestly say that I was a little heartbroken. I knew I wouldn't have the opportunity to converse with the youth on a weekly basis like I had been, and I knew I would miss them. I understood then; though, that the Lord had other things in store for me, and I would soon learn just exactly what His plan was. ;)

A few weeks after my husband and I were released, I was called as a nursery worker, where I am currently still serving - and wow, what a roller coaster that has been. In the last year, we have gone through two incredible nursery leaders and are now on our third. So, things have changed a lot over the course of the year, but I am grateful for the opportunity that I was afforded to come to know each of these remarkable women on a deeper, more spiritual level. I have grown to love each of them for their strengths and for the example they are to me as well.

Working with the nursery-age children has been a little challenging for me, only because I have two of my own children in there with me, and because the number of children in the nursery has consistently grown. It comforts me; though, to know that I am doing the Lord's work, and I have a testimony that I am exactly where he needs me. We recently gained a third nursery worker too, so I am grateful for the tremendous difference that has made.

I know there is still so much that I stand to learn from this calling. Z teases me that the Lord is trying to prepare me for more children. Haha. I think maybe that the Lord just thought I needed to learn patience.  Hehe. Either way, I look forward to the journey ahead, and am grateful for the experiences I have had in my callings.

Related Link:

52 Gems of Reflection

The Return of Thankful Thursday.

Because today is Thursday, and because it has been SO long since I have written a Thankful Thursday post, I wanted to take a moment today to show my gratitude for some of the things I have been feeling especially grateful for lately. First off, today is the anniversary of the death of Joseph Smith (he died June 27, 1844), so I would feel extremely ungrateful if I did not express my gratitude to him for restoring the Gospel of Jesus Christ to the Earth.

Joseph Smith, the Prophet and Seer of the Lord, has done more, save Jesus only, for the salvation of men in this world, than any other man that ever lived in it (D&C 135:3).

Joseph Smith: Photo by Lds.org

On a different note, it is summer time, and since M is leaving to visit her dad for five weeks on Saturday (frowny face), I have been trying to think of fun activities to do with her all week. In that regard, I am grateful for gift certificates to get manis/pedis, accidentally discovering new places for amazingly good grub, cute (yet inexpensive) sunglasses, See's candy, cheap entertainment (drive-in movies and community swimming pools), new nail polish (a girl has got to have her little guilty pleasures), and movie nights. I am seriously going to miss that girl!

A Testimony of Prayer

Gems of Reflection - Week 19

There is not a day goes by that I don't receive answers to prayers on one level or another. As a mother, I am constantly praying for guidance and direction with regards to rearing my children. I know that I've received an answer when a problem arises and the words needed to invite the spirit and teach a valuable lesson enter my mind as though the Spirit whispered them into my ear directly. Every day that my husband and children return home unharmed, I know that a prayer has been answered - for I pray for their safety daily. In times of struggle, I recognize the hand of the Lord when I feel his comforting arms around me.

There are also many epic moments in my life that were grand answers to prayers  When I found out that I was pregnant with our son, that was an answer to our prayers. The day I was sealed to my husband and our daughter was able to be sealed to us, that was an answer to a prayer, as was the day our baby girl (who just turned one in April...crazy!) was born. We were able to bring her into this world via a v-bac, avoiding another c-section, and my testimony of prayer was strengthened tremendously that day, as we had been praying for such a result for months.

I feel so blessed to be able to see the hand of the Lord in my life on a daily basis. It is a constant reflection of His love for us, and I have a firm testimony that He truly does hear and answer our prayers.

Related Link:

Gems of Reflection

To My Mother

On this glorious Mother's Day, I wanted to share this beautiful message of love and appreciation for Mothers. It touched my heart and reminded me of the kind of mother that I want to be.

"There is nothing in this world as personal as nurturing, or as life-changing as the influence of a righteous woman." -M. Russel Ballard

So, to the woman who gave me life, who kissed away my sorrows, and taught me to be a righteous, loving example of the Savior, Happy Mother's Day!

A Taste of Flight

Gems of Reflection - Week 18: If you could be an animal, which would you choose and why?

If I could be any animal, I would choose to be an eagle. From the time that I was little and first started fantasizing about make-believe abilities and magical powers, I've always desired to possess the gift of flight. It actually manifests quite frequently in my dreams (even still), wherein I suddenly find myself lifting off the ground and flying through the sky, free as a bird - but then I am quite disappointed upon waking to find that it was all just a dream.

"Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return." -Leonardo da Vinci

Not only would I choose to be an eagle for the gift of flight, but eagles are also fierce, brave creatures that rule the skies and fear nothing. What amazing qualities to possess! J.M. Barrie, the creator of Peter Pan, said:

"The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings."

As a daughter of God, I am cognizant of my divine potential, and I strive each day to possess these same qualities - to walk upright before the Lord and soar through life in faith.  I only pray that my faith will give me the wings to be a righteous mother, a devoted wife, and a loving daughter of our Heavenly Father.

Related link:

Gems of Reflection